Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
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