Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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