did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Randomize
