i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
