I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
