i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
