I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I enjoy the company of your penis
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
