um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
