I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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