either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
how drunk are you?
Several
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
