you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
