WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
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