We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Randomize
