I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
