Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
