someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
