Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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