Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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