I swear she didn't look like that last week.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
We talked him into tasing himself.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
