thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Randomize
