yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
