the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize