Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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