Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Randomize
