There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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