i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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