ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
