I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
