just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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