I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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