I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
