we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
