It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
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Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
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You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
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