So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
