Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
