the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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