He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize
