Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Randomize
