the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
