I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
