This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
