My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
