If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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