We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
