So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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