oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
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