I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
