After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
