Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.