It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Proof That Kendall Jenner Is The Queen of Cannes
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Send help, water and tortillas.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots