It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Sorry about my life...
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration