I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?