I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
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Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
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Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is