i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
reminds me of losing my job
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
These 19 Teachers Had Very Inappropriate Interactions With Students
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Women Confess 25 Instant Deal-Breakers On A Man’s Dating Profile
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.