Texts From Last Night

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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.

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  (609): Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS. http://tfl.nu/xjwy
  Replies (17) Good night (3098) Bad night (480) Order T-Shirt
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  (650): View more from California

  The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.

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  (650): The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life. http://tfl.nu/2quw
  Replies (6) Good night (623) Bad night (4187) Order T-Shirt
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.

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  (614): he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff. http://tfl.nu/tizj
  Replies (32) Good night (1078) Bad night (15114) Order T-Shirt
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  (763): View more from Minnesota

  there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.

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  (763): there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread. http://tfl.nu/qy40
  Replies (35) Good night (1739) Bad night (8464) Order T-Shirt
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  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  And to think..we used to do everything sober...

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  (724): And to think..we used to do everything sober... http://tfl.nu/tbey
  Replies (7) Good night (4671) Bad night (791) Order T-Shirt
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  (207): View more from Maine

  Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.

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  (207): Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america. http://tfl.nu/yc3t
  Replies (7) Good night (2849) Bad night (690) Order T-Shirt
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  (209): View more from California

  This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!

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  (209): This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ! http://tfl.nu/qsnl
  Replies (7) Good night (1720) Bad night (456) Order T-Shirt
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  (708): View more from Illinois

  I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.

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  (708): I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily. http://tfl.nu/de3q
  Replies (3) Good night (1890) Bad night (377) Order T-Shirt
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  (207): View more from Maine

  The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"

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  (207): The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!" http://tfl.nu/cz9e
  Replies (6) Good night (340) Bad night (698) Order T-Shirt
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  (512): View more from Texas

  Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.

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  (512): Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back. http://tfl.nu/xf8c
  Replies (5) Good night (907) Bad night (430) Order T-Shirt
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  (845): View more from New York

  There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets

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  (845): There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets http://tfl.nu/ibjg
  Replies (6) Good night (550) Bad night (263) Order T-Shirt
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  (616): View more from Michigan

  i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.

  (1-616): View more from Michigan

  You sure know how to make a day worth living.

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  (616): i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed. (1-616): You sure know how to make a day worth living. http://tfl.nu/maop
  Replies (4) Good night (739) Bad night (227) Order T-Shirt
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  (973): View more from New Jersey

  He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic

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  (973): He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic http://tfl.nu/cjxw
  Replies (4) Good night (556) Bad night (335) Order T-Shirt
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  So what's going on?

  (1-630): View more from Illinois

  We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.

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  (630): So what's going on? (1-630): We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid. http://tfl.nu/vkkl
  Replies (3) Good night (661) Bad night (257) Order T-Shirt
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  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver

  (1-413): View more from Massachusetts

  That's a hard toss up

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  (413): I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver (1-413): That's a hard toss up http://tfl.nu/wcmj
  Replies (2) Good night (277) Bad night (321) Order T-Shirt

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