He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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