im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
