I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Randomize
