I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
