i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
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I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
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