she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
