I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
