she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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