Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize