I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
