Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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