The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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