they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
